i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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