I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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