Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
