I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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