If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
be right there i have to get my cape
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
