how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize