Whod you bang
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
