I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
