I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
