Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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