mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
