I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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