Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
