remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
