you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize