quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
