i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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