I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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