Best friends brother. Beat that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
