I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
