I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
