why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
