i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize