You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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