we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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