Porn is love you can see.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
