You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
