Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
