I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
