remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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