Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
