im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
