Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize