How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
