just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
