Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my being single is dangerous.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize