my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk is not a location!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
