I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
did i walk over a car last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize