I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
