you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
