i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
