Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my poor anus
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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