I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
