I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
