I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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