I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
