My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
should my penis look like a turkey
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
