"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
