I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
