It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
