You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize