Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize