even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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