So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
