He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
