Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
