seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize