thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
