i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
