Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
