TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
