she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
