Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
