I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
