About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
