He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
