After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We are all done wearing pants today
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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