I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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